Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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