i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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