Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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