oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
