i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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