We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
