i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
