now i know why i became what i already was.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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