I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
His hands were made for my vagina.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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