mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
