Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
