I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
