It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize