What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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