eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
