yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
