Nicole vs. Life
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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