Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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