whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
