True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
