I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
