My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
