I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
