her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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