When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
