You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
