Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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