She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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