my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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