I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
