Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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