I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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