i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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