don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
