i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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