wat bout pragnant strippers??
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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