He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
