I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
