its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
