lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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