time to smoke my breakfast
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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