I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
