I can tuck mytits in my pants
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
