We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
