are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
