don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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