So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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