She said her name was "party"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
