i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
