I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
