I want to stick my p in your. b.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
