Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
