Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
More tranny stories later!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
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