my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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