i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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