mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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