Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
