Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
