Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
