Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
