A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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