I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
