That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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