so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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