We won't sleep together?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
