I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize