Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
