nut hugger
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
