We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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