my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
