She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
