matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
