how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
