She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
