So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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