he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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