How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
