Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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