Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
