i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
