I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
foreskin is a definite game changer
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize