your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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