the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
birth control should be required to get into college
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
