I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
