I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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