i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
