A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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