My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
