he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
