He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
