everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
