She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
