This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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