'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
