What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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