I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
