If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
