I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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