I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
