i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
