Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
