I swear she didn't look like that last week.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
