one two three fourrrrnication!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize