What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
