Sry I called you an 8
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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