i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
